Friday, June 26, 2015


Supreme Court.

It is so ordered.

"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization's oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right."

Sunday, October 12, 2014

We did !!

Judge Cogburn ruled Friday night overturning Amendment 1!

Harris and I, accompanied by our *TWO* daughters went to Wake County, got a marriage license, drove back to Durham County and were married by the magistrate.

So the day it was legal in North Carolina - yep - we went to the courthouse... just like we said we would.

More details to come over at our new blog -

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

When the 4th circuit rules?

What will we do?

My assumption based on the way this has played out in other states is that there will be a short window of time in North Carolina where marriage is equal for everyone. Then, a judge somewhere will issue a stay after an appeal or notice of appeal is filed.

Harris and I have been talking about what we'll do? Do we get married during the short first window? Do we wait until it's fully decided and truly equal for everyone forever?

Right now we feel like we wait until the final nail has been nailed and full equality is guaranteed in NC. We have the protections in place we feel we need and getting legally married at this point wouldn't dramatically alter our lives. If it happened before mid-September it would mean one child is legally a bastard and the other legitimate otherwise... nothing different.

We're not opposed to getting married. It would make some aspects of our lives much more simple indeed, it's just, that at this point we've been doing this for six and a half years. Another six months or year waiting for the definitive ruling or non-ruling from the Supreme Court shouldn't make much difference in our lives.

The more people who speak out about inequality the sooner it will change. The more who give up an unfair privilege and call it thusly, the sooner we'll see the eradication of that inequality.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

DOMA is struck down

I was hoping for a broad ruling in Prop 8 / Perry  but instead the justices said they didn't have standing.
So happy for couples in CA. Now continues the work to make marriage legal in my state of North Carolina.
Still, staying positive that DOMA is gone.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Mondays keep coming

I keep waiting for the Supreme Court ruling. It's Thursday, so could come today, but also know that it will probably be the last thing they comment on this term.

I'm hoping that it's broad, sweeping, and legalizes marriage across the country. I fear that it will be limited, an overturn of DOMA, with discrimination 'left to the states'.

If it's broad, sweeping, and right, we'll be down getting blood tests that day and applying for our marriage license. If it's not, well, we'll keep on here, doing what we're doing, for the same reasons as when we started it.

It's not fair that others are denied a right we have.
A piece of paper does not a strong relationship make.
If folks with status and privilege give up that status and privilege, others will take notice and ask questions.

As a couple we've gotten through the second and third. Now, just waiting for the first.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Hi my District of Columbia,

We're so glad you're on board!

(Peeps to Maryland too for recognizing the things we do)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Go Durham!

Last night, Harris, Madeline and I sat at City Hall for 2.5 hours to see the council vote 7-0 in support of a resolution calling for civil marriage in North Carolina.

We're really happy we call Durham home.


WHEREAS, The Election Day victories by anti-gay activists in California, Florida, Arizona and Arkansas were a painful reminder that the gay rights movement still faces many challenges; and
WHEREAS, discriminatory marriage laws in the United States deprive same-sex couples of over 1000 federal rights and benefits automatically bestowed by civil marriage including, among others, health care coverage, tax benefits, divorce, domestic violence protections, privileges under immigration and naturalization law, inheritance rights, survivor benefits and child custody; and

WHEREAS, the denial of such benefits has been demonstrated to have significant psychological and social impact on the physical, social, and economic well-being of gay and lesbian couples and their families; and

WHEREAS, the U.S. Supreme Court recognizes marriage as one of the basic civil rights fundamental to our very existence and survival and

WHEREAS, heterosexual relationships have a legal framework for their existence through civil marriage, which provides a stabilizing force. In the United States, with the exception of Massachusetts and Connecticut, same-sex couples are currently denied the important legal benefits, rights and responsibilities of civil marriage. Same-sex couples therefore experience several kinds of state sanctioned discrimination that can adversely affect the stability of their relationships and their mental health; and'

WHEREAS, the love that brings and binds two people of the same, or opposite sex, together transcends gender; and

WHEREAS, as Americans, we must remember a foundational principle of our form of government: all are created equal. Consistent with the pursuit of liberty and justice for all, same-sex couples should have full and equal access to the rights and responsibilities bestowed by civil marriage; and

NOW THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that civil marriage for same-sex couples must include all the benefits commonly bestowed upon opposite-sex couples, including, among other rights, healthcare coverage and related decision-making, privileges under immigration and naturalization law, survivor benefits, inheritance rights, and child custody.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, that the City of Durham, endorse and support the rights of same-sex couples to share fully and equally in the rights, responsibilities and commitments of civil marriage.