Yeah, so it's not exactly related to why Natalie and I aren't getting married, per se, but it does indeed have to do with our future. A shiny, shiny future. Right. So I bought a house. It took a month of scrambling for a different signed piece of paper every day, but I got a mortgage and construction loan on an old house, pretty close to where we live now. It's going to take some work but with the help of a couple of good contractors, Nat and I can do it (well, I can do it. Nat can do all the stuff that I don't want to when she gets back. You know... painting, putting up tile, getting the zombies out of the basement...)
And it's not that I'm afraid of zombies, per se. I just don't want to do ALL of the fun things and leave her with only revelling in the coolness of our soon to be bad ass house.
I digress. Work will actually commence tomorrow on restoring this somewhat dilapidated behemoth back to its former glory. In the days and weeks to come, there will be fun, fun parties there. Like, let's break the walls that shouldn't be there anymore parties. And let's rip up this awful, dirty, and completely unnecessary carpet parties. Admittedly, I might be dancing with myself at said parties, but hey, as long as I have a positive outlook, right? And the zombies stay in the basement?
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
And then the traditions
Harris and I have never really been a traditional couple. True you can point to monogomy and engagement as well as an overflowing of love, but the way that we have both approached our relationship has been a bit off the beaten path.
We had still planned a ceremony and reception to follow. Because we were following the traditional route on this, we also thought perhaps my parents would as well.
Well. They decided to come up to North Carolina to discuss this in person. There's the first hint. Nothing easy is ever discussed in person at a 400 mile distance. Harris and I layed out the plans. We took them to the two sites we had considered for the ceremony and the reception. We had brunch. We were having a lovely time. Harris and I wanted to know the budget and we assumed that my parents wanted to see what we were planning.
Assumptions are always bad.
Our budget is zero dollars.
Because Harris and I will not be legally married, they will not contribute to our ceremony or reception. We explained that we are utterly infatuated with each other. That we will be legally mimicing a marriage, but won't actually be getting married. Still, they are uncomfortable with the idea of expending money for something that is against their religious and political beliefs.
Harris was lovely. I could not ask for a better partner in this. He rationally explained to them our position, listened to what they were saying and still maintained that if we were to respect their position they must respect ours.
I feel: like my parents are replicating bad family history, that they are being stubborn, that they respect one piece of paper more than the backflips that Harris and I will do to mimic the same protections, and that they truly believe they are more stubborn than I am.
We are still having our ceremony. We will still celebrate with all of our friends on the 2nd anniversary of our first date. We stand firm.
After all, it was never about having a traditional marriage to begin with.
We had still planned a ceremony and reception to follow. Because we were following the traditional route on this, we also thought perhaps my parents would as well.
Well. They decided to come up to North Carolina to discuss this in person. There's the first hint. Nothing easy is ever discussed in person at a 400 mile distance. Harris and I layed out the plans. We took them to the two sites we had considered for the ceremony and the reception. We had brunch. We were having a lovely time. Harris and I wanted to know the budget and we assumed that my parents wanted to see what we were planning.
Assumptions are always bad.
Our budget is zero dollars.
Because Harris and I will not be legally married, they will not contribute to our ceremony or reception. We explained that we are utterly infatuated with each other. That we will be legally mimicing a marriage, but won't actually be getting married. Still, they are uncomfortable with the idea of expending money for something that is against their religious and political beliefs.
Harris was lovely. I could not ask for a better partner in this. He rationally explained to them our position, listened to what they were saying and still maintained that if we were to respect their position they must respect ours.
I feel: like my parents are replicating bad family history, that they are being stubborn, that they respect one piece of paper more than the backflips that Harris and I will do to mimic the same protections, and that they truly believe they are more stubborn than I am.
We are still having our ceremony. We will still celebrate with all of our friends on the 2nd anniversary of our first date. We stand firm.
After all, it was never about having a traditional marriage to begin with.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Why we won't, part deux
Well, gentle reader, let me take a bit of time aside from the ongoing
"how we met" story to tell you a bit more about why I am not in a rush
to get married—not in the eyes of the state or god, at least. Not
that we won't continue to give you the delicious and highly caloric
sweet story of how we met and eventually got to the dizzy state of
goodness that we've reached, but I figured I'd take a selfish moment
to say more about what had been brewing in my little tempest of a
brain for a while, even before I met Natalie. It's actually much
simpler than Nat's reasoning.
Not that I disagree with her position that until gay and lesbian
couples can get married, we shouldn't either; that reasoning hadn't
really crossed my mind until she and I started talking about the
subject, and I whole-heartedly agree. But for some time, I had
wondered why this was the natural progression of a relationship. You
know, first comes flirting, then casual dating and chattering to your
friends about the girl, then awkwardly asking to be
boyfriend/girlfriend, then falling in love,
then marriage.
Yeah, that last bit: why? Does the Great State of North Carolina need
to let me know that I'm in love? Does some imaginary sky-dweller? A
preacher? Would our life together really be that much better or
easier if we got a piece of paper saying that we were husband and
wife? I've yet to be convinced. We love each other. In celebration
of that mutual love and adoration, we'll be having a commitment
ceremony sometime in the not-too-distant future. And if that doesn't
make your heart twitter and a little tear come to your eye, we'll be
having a big-ass reception afterward, so you can at least throw down
with us.
In closing, patient reader, we're happy and very committed to one
another. No signed license needs to convey that to us, nor should it
to you.
"how we met" story to tell you a bit more about why I am not in a rush
to get married—not in the eyes of the state or god, at least. Not
that we won't continue to give you the delicious and highly caloric
sweet story of how we met and eventually got to the dizzy state of
goodness that we've reached, but I figured I'd take a selfish moment
to say more about what had been brewing in my little tempest of a
brain for a while, even before I met Natalie. It's actually much
simpler than Nat's reasoning.
Not that I disagree with her position that until gay and lesbian
couples can get married, we shouldn't either; that reasoning hadn't
really crossed my mind until she and I started talking about the
subject, and I whole-heartedly agree. But for some time, I had
wondered why this was the natural progression of a relationship. You
know, first comes flirting, then casual dating and chattering to your
friends about the girl, then awkwardly asking to be
boyfriend/girlfriend, then falling in love,
then marriage.
Yeah, that last bit: why? Does the Great State of North Carolina need
to let me know that I'm in love? Does some imaginary sky-dweller? A
preacher? Would our life together really be that much better or
easier if we got a piece of paper saying that we were husband and
wife? I've yet to be convinced. We love each other. In celebration
of that mutual love and adoration, we'll be having a commitment
ceremony sometime in the not-too-distant future. And if that doesn't
make your heart twitter and a little tear come to your eye, we'll be
having a big-ass reception afterward, so you can at least throw down
with us.
In closing, patient reader, we're happy and very committed to one
another. No signed license needs to convey that to us, nor should it
to you.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Why we won't
So when are you getting married?
This past January Harris gave Natalie three lovely rubies and in exchange received a crazy cool Belgian fidget ring. In engagements it seems that once you find out that something will happen, people want to know when. Over and over people asked:
When are you getting married?
This is a simple yet complex question. We will have a ceremony in March 2008. We are scouting locations in Durham, NC. We want to have a simple and fun party to celebrate. We are looking at rings that will match our very different and very beautiful engagement rings. We are deciding where we will go on our honeymoon and what we will do with our cats during that time.
But we are not actually getting married.
We started this blog in order both to articulate and clearly express our thoughts about the inequality of marriage legislation today. There is nothing stopping us from getting legally married. What stops us is our shared disgust that homosexuals are still kept from enjoying the benefits the state confers when a straight couple marry.
We're only occasionally preachy, and Natalie admittedly more so than Harris, but we can't support an institution that discriminates others. We cannot receive the benefits of the institution while claiming that those same benefits are unfair to others. And we are not powerless. We have the institutional support needed to challenge this form of inequality and that's exactly what we plan to do.
This past January Harris gave Natalie three lovely rubies and in exchange received a crazy cool Belgian fidget ring. In engagements it seems that once you find out that something will happen, people want to know when. Over and over people asked:
When are you getting married?
This is a simple yet complex question. We will have a ceremony in March 2008. We are scouting locations in Durham, NC. We want to have a simple and fun party to celebrate. We are looking at rings that will match our very different and very beautiful engagement rings. We are deciding where we will go on our honeymoon and what we will do with our cats during that time.
But we are not actually getting married.
We started this blog in order both to articulate and clearly express our thoughts about the inequality of marriage legislation today. There is nothing stopping us from getting legally married. What stops us is our shared disgust that homosexuals are still kept from enjoying the benefits the state confers when a straight couple marry.
We're only occasionally preachy, and Natalie admittedly more so than Harris, but we can't support an institution that discriminates others. We cannot receive the benefits of the institution while claiming that those same benefits are unfair to others. And we are not powerless. We have the institutional support needed to challenge this form of inequality and that's exactly what we plan to do.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Planning Stages
These are the facts as we have created them.
Sometime next spring we will have a sweet little ceremony that Harris is planning somewhere within walking distance of the house. We will then have a throw down party that Natalie is planning. We will also probably have some food from one of the local restaurants with family at some point during the weekend. We're both hoping that our siblings make it into town early enough for a day at the Carnivore Preservation Trust in Chatham County.
Sometime next spring we will have a sweet little ceremony that Harris is planning somewhere within walking distance of the house. We will then have a throw down party that Natalie is planning. We will also probably have some food from one of the local restaurants with family at some point during the weekend. We're both hoping that our siblings make it into town early enough for a day at the Carnivore Preservation Trust in Chatham County.
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