Sunday, September 2, 2007

And then the traditions

Harris and I have never really been a traditional couple. True you can point to monogomy and engagement as well as an overflowing of love, but the way that we have both approached our relationship has been a bit off the beaten path.

We had still planned a ceremony and reception to follow. Because we were following the traditional route on this, we also thought perhaps my parents would as well.

Well. They decided to come up to North Carolina to discuss this in person. There's the first hint. Nothing easy is ever discussed in person at a 400 mile distance. Harris and I layed out the plans. We took them to the two sites we had considered for the ceremony and the reception. We had brunch. We were having a lovely time. Harris and I wanted to know the budget and we assumed that my parents wanted to see what we were planning.

Assumptions are always bad.

Our budget is zero dollars.

Because Harris and I will not be legally married, they will not contribute to our ceremony or reception. We explained that we are utterly infatuated with each other. That we will be legally mimicing a marriage, but won't actually be getting married. Still, they are uncomfortable with the idea of expending money for something that is against their religious and political beliefs.

Harris was lovely. I could not ask for a better partner in this. He rationally explained to them our position, listened to what they were saying and still maintained that if we were to respect their position they must respect ours.

I feel: like my parents are replicating bad family history, that they are being stubborn, that they respect one piece of paper more than the backflips that Harris and I will do to mimic the same protections, and that they truly believe they are more stubborn than I am.

We are still having our ceremony. We will still celebrate with all of our friends on the 2nd anniversary of our first date. We stand firm.

After all, it was never about having a traditional marriage to begin with.